Momma’s Musings

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What makes for a GOOD day

I’ve had some pretty tough days lately. The kids have been at each other, emotions have run high, routines are fluctuating a bit, and we’ve had some nasty Summer colds thrown in the mix. Needless to say, we’ve had an influx of whining, arguing, exhaustion, and overall crankiness.

One day, in particular, I may or may not have texted “I quit” … multiple times. Some days, I’m just done. Being a mom is HARD. Good and amazing, but hard.

This got me thinking about a conversation I had a while back with a dear friend. She asked me what constitutes a “good day” … from my perspective.

Without hesitation, I told her a “good day” is one where I know I have been a good wife, mother and friend. The kids could be at odds, the house a wreck, the cupboards short on food … but if I respond and react to the people in my life with gentleness, kindness, patience, grace and love … I feel like it’s been a good day. I can hold my head up high.

Please hear me, I do not enjoy the fighting, having a messy home, or experiencing any lack, but I realize this is part of being a mom, a part of life. It comes with the territory. I don’t think I have ever experienced a perfect day, one without hardship. The reality of being a wife, a mother, and a friend isn’t always easy or smooth.

It is in these moments that I must choose.

Just as I often tell my kids, we cannot control what others do or say, we can only control ourselves. So, it is the same with my own choices.

At the end of the day, I can gage whether it has been a good or bad one based on how I thought, spoke and responded/reacted to the people in my life. Did I seek to honor the Lord and honor others? Or, did I look to only please myself?

Ultimately, I know it was a good day if/when …

  • I had time in God’s Word at the start of my day (it truly does impact the rest of the day!!)
  • compassion oozed from my being to minister to my hurt or sick husband, children or friends.
  • my patience didn’t wane even when others around me pushed all of my buttons.
  • grace abounded.
  • forgiveness was given freely.
  • I died to self and served wholeheartedly.
  • discipline was done for the purpose of teaching, correcting and training in righteousness; not out of spite, malice or vengeance.
  • my voice remained steadfast and didn’t spike in bursts of anger or frustration.
  • I did not whine or complain.
  • I looked into the eyes of those I love and saw them for who they are, not for what they did or did not do.
  • I smiled and laughed often.
  • I walked in integrity, especially when no one else was listening or looking.

I may not experience ALL of these EVERY day, but if I hit many of them, I can tell a difference in my overall view of the day.

As much I would love to control everything and everyone around me, I know I cannot. This leaves me coming back to myself. I have choices to make. My greatest desire is to be able to stand before the Lord and know I have done my very best. I know it won’t be perfect. I know I will fall short daily. I know it will be hard. But, if I know in my heart of hearts I have left it all on the court, then, I feel it’s been a “good day.”

It is in these moments when I feel I have made a difference, I have made an impact in the lives around me. Hopefully, prayerfully, they see Jesus in and through me, as HE is the source of all that is good in me.

Circumstances do not define my days, good or bad; no, it is my response and reaction to those circumstances that draw the distinction.  

I confess, there are many days where I check out and try to just get through it. I often “quit” (though, not really). It is during these challenging moments when I more earnestly seek His face. Then, when tomorrow comes, I start anew. His mercies are, indeed, new every morning. A fresh start with new choices to be made.

Grace. It truly is a gift.

Yes, yes, let’s make it a good day today. Let’s walk with integrity, seasoned with patience and self-control, and saturated in truth and love …

To God be the Glory!

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Failure

Failure.

What a yucky feeling word. It’s not one I enjoy thinking about, dwelling on, or experiencing. Yet, we all experience this feeling of failure from time-to-time.

I was recently listening to a podcast as they talked about goals (for the New Year, family, work, health, etc.) and re-evaluating them on occasion. In short, it’s good to figure out what’s working, what doesn’t, adjust as needed, and keep moving forward toward your goal.

Among the many things they discussed during the episode, failure was one of them. One comment, in particular, jumped right through my earbuds and nailed me in my heart and mind. I needed to hear it.

“Labeling something as a ‘failure’ indicates your decision to stay in that space, rather than continuing to learn from it, take it, and move forward.”

-Kelsey Van Kirk, The Purposeful Home Podcast, episode #014.

I found this thought or idea very interesting to ponder. Do I “stay in that space” of failure or do I learn from it and move forward? What do I tend to label as a “failure” in my life? Do I experience shame and condemnation (self or external)? Do I take each experience for what it is, learn from it, and continue on … or camp in my own self-doubt, pity, and wallow in suffering? Am I a “failure?”

It got me thinking even more …

Is “failure” even a Biblical concept? Does it address this idea, or have we brought it into our culture as a “normal” way of thinking and feeling?

Interestingly, when I searched for “failure” at BibleGateway.com, I found very little. There were a few verses about “fail,” but they had to do more with the heart and flesh failing … as well as how the Lord will not “fail” us. I never found anything that resembled being a failure. If you find verses that say otherwise, please do let me know. I welcome correction and accountability!

The Bible has plenty to say about falling short of God’s glory, but this has more to do with sin, not simply making mistakes or “failing.” From my perspective, there’s a difference. Sin is what separates us from the Lord (and dare I say, from others). But, mistakes are not sin.

If I drop a bowl of cereal on the floor, that’s a mistake or an accident, not a sin.
If I lie to my friend, that’s not a mistake, that’s a sin.

Regardless of which one we identify with more, do either of them truly make us “failures?”

Taz (8) will often try to do a new trick on his skateboard or attempt a fancy Lego contraption, and when it doesn’t go according to plan, he’ll emphatically declare, “FAIL!” This idea of failure is in our every day language. We’ve watched those video clips and seen those memes that have the big bold letters FAIL across the screen. It’s everywhere! We need to change the way we talk and think and ultimately, what we believe.

It seems like I have lived far too long, beating myself up and feeling like a failure about various things (especially as a homeschooling momma). This is not how God intended it! I may fall short, sin, and make mistakes, but, God’s grace and forgiveness covers me. I am not a failure. I must change my thinking and declare TRUTH. I am redeemed, restored, and forgiven! To walk in the mindset of being a failure is the opposite of what Jesus came to do. He came to give us hope, salvation, life and life abundantly. We have VICTORY in Him!

I’m a word person, so out of curiosity, I looked up some synonyms and antonyms for “failure.”

List #1:

  • bankruptcy
  • breakdown
  • collapse
  • decline
  • defeat
  • deficiency
  • deterioration
  • failing
  • loss
  • misstep

List #2:

  • betterment
  • improvement
  • increase
  • rise
  • success
  • win
  • accomplishment
  • benefit
  • blessing
  • continuation
  • enough
  • plenty
  • triumph
  • achievement
  • achiever
  • attainment
  • earnings
  • gain
  • merit

Can you guess which list is which? Which is similar to and which is the opposite of “failure?” Which list do you identify with most?

If you identity with feeling like a failure, please don’t let this post make you feel like a failure for feeling like a failure. It’s too easy to follow that rabbit hole and spiral down even further into the pit of despair. It’s time to come out into the light!

I am not a “prosperity” message type of a gal, but I do hope to be one who speaks truth and life. Friends, if you are struggling with feeling like (or believing) you are a failure, or if you are LIVING in that camp or mindset, please remember what is TRUE. The truth – you are NOT a failure … you are forgiven, loved, redeemed, and valuable! God is not a failure, and He did not fail in creating you. We may stumble and fall, from time-to-time, but the Lord is right there to hold, help and carry us. We can learn from our experiences and move forward. Let’s not camp in our imperfections, but let’s take residence in His perfection.

Our weaknesses vs. His strengths.

Our sin vs. His forgiveness.

Our “failures” vs. His successes.

Our plan vs. His plan.

Our lack vs. His abundance.

Our falling short vs. His victory.

Where do you choose to invest your thoughts, energy, and identity? In yourself or in Him? Your thoughts about you or His thoughts about you?

You have the freedom to choose.

To God be the Glory!

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Something profound

It’s interesting, as I think about the many things I want to share on this blog, I find I am constantly searching for something profound to say. I want it to be life-altering, deeply impacting, and pretty much amazing all-of-the-time. Sheesh, no pressure, right?! HA!

This is partly why I have not been writing on a regular basis over the past few weeks. I want my words to have meaning and significance. I value your time and want to make it worthwhile for you to come read what I have to say and share. I don’t want to post just anything, but I find that I’m just not posting anything at all.

Fear, once again, holds me back. Sigh.

I miss writing. It’s an amazing outlet for the constant thoughts and ideas that run through my head 24/7. I wake up in the middle of the night with ideas, but often lack the courage, time, and discipline to get it all out of my head.

Maybe I need to throw caution into the wind and simply write. It may or may not be profound or significant, but it will be me.

So, maybe that’s what I will try to do: just keep writing. No schedule. No grand expectations. No waiting for it all to be perfect timing to write. I’ll simply write because I absolutely adore the process. That sounds “perfect” to me.

Hmmmm … I wonder what else I hold back from doing because I want it to be perfect, significant or profound? I truly am pondering this as I type these words. I love to do various activities, but I often opt not to do them for fear of falling short or having them not be important or impacting in any way to others. What else do I neglect, primarily because of some sort of fear that is in me? I wrote a quick short list of some things that quickly came to mind:

  • Painting pictures
  • Playing my guitar
  • Singing
  • Writing (though I already mentioned this)
  • Creating … of any kind (this is a BIG one)

These are probably the biggest areas where I tend to either 1) not do it at all because I am not confident enough in it, or 2) I am fairly confident in it, but I want it to always be so perfect and significant that it keeps me from doing it regularly.

Is the way to overcome both of these fears/hindrances to just jump right in and do them? No fear, just do it?

I’m guessing I’m not alone in this struggle …

Are any of you also holding back from pursuing various activities you love or enjoy? I’d love to hear what you have to share, if you’re willing. Truly, no pressure at all.

Yes indeed … no fear, no perfection, no holding back. Time for me to jump right back in …

To God be the Glory!

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It’s kind of like having a newborn

With each of my 4 pregnancies, there was much anticipation, bundles of nerves, and oodles of excitement surrounding the arrival of our babies. We knew and expected our lives would change with each new blessing. Some changes would be easy, some would be hard, but, it was always a season of transition.

Things would not remain the same.

After giving birth, there was a period of time when my hormones, body and emotions were constantly in flux with all of the changes. I’d be completely happy and content one minute, and then be at the end of my rope the next. There were many sleepless nights accompanied by much crying, both by baby and by mommy. I was exhausted while simultaneously feeling exhilarated by our precious newborn. The adrenaline that came from holding our babies was undeniable. It’s what kept me moving when I didn’t think I had it in me to do so.

New life does this. It catapults us forward even when we feel like we have nothing left to give. Being a mom is the hardest yet easiest job in the world. It’s fueled and sustained by sacrifice and love.

With each new baby, I’d stare into their chubby little faces and fall completely and utterly in love with them. I’d be enamored by their cuteness one minute, only to feel frustrated and depleted the next that they wouldn’t eat, sleep or stop crying. I could never stay on top of all of the dishes, housework, laundry and often go days without a shower. Yes, there is so much involved with parenting each new baby that comes into the family.

In fact, I’d often feel confident in my parenting abilities one moment, “I’ve so got this,” only to question myself the next, “What in the world am I doing?”

These first few months after their births were often the most challenging. It was a time of adjustment because nothing was the same. It would be a time of healing (mostly physical) and a time of growth. There was a new little life to care for, love and protect. There was a new little personality to learn and manage. There was a new little person to feed, bathe, and clothe. There was a new “norm” to create as the family dynamics changed, once again.

This brings me to today.

I was reminded this past weekend that foster care and adoption are just like having a newborn. Well, alllllmost “just like” having a newborn. There is a precious little person who enters into our home that needs caring for, needs loving, and needs protection. He/She is a new little personality to learn and manage while feeding, cleaning, and clothing him/her. In this transition, I feel the waves of confidence in what we’re doing followed closely behind questioning everything we do. Emotions can run high in this stage of foster care.

This precious little person changes the dynamics of our home in the most beautiful and the most challenging ways.

Yet, it doesn’t stop there.

Ultimately, each new foster placement needs so much more than a newborn. Why? One word: trauma. Children with a trauma background (which often includes neglect or abuse) come with a lot of extra weight. Their experiences are too heavy to bear. They are often weary from the burden of their hurts, but do not know how to let go or to trust. They are scared and unsure of what to expect. They try to control everything around them because their lives are completely out of their control. They did not choose to be in foster care. They do not have a say in what home they live in, what bed they sleep in, what school they attend, what and when changes take place, and overall, what they experience on a day-to-day basis. Everything (pretty much) is out of their control, yet they try to control it all as much as possible. This need for control manifests in their attitudes, words, and behaviors.

They are guarded.

They are scared.

They experience their need to constantly “fight, flight or freeze.”

What these children often need is time. This entire process takes time. The walls around their hearts have (often) taken years to build up, and it will (often) take years to tear down. Being vulnerable is not easy.

Yet, as I look into their eyes, I can’t help but fall in love with each one of them, in a unique way, just as I did with my children I birthed. We don’t know if we will get to love these kiddos for a week, a month, a year or forever, but we try to fully dive into their world to help bring healing and restoration. It’s not always pretty and it’s definitely not easy, but it is truly amazing.

This past month has been a great reminder of this process.

With our new little 6 yr old foster placement joining our family last month, it’s been another season of adjustment. There is a new normal we are discovering. There is a new dynamic that comes with her. She brings to our home both joy and sorrow, healing and hurt, smiles and tears. She’s learning us as we are learning her. Even though it’s only been a month, we see improvements in her guarded little heart.

God does amazing things in and through our brokenness.

During this time with a new addition to our family, it is very common for us to hunker down and regroup. We want to make sure we see and meet the needs of each of our 7 children during the transitions. Sometimes we uncover these needs easily, sometimes we don’t. But, we’re constantly looking at their behaviors, listening to their words, and searching for ways to invest in, teach, train, raise, and love each one of them. We want to meet their needs, head-on.

As we focus on our children (those experiencing first or second-hand trauma), it’s easy to lose sight of all that’s happening around us. We are often wrapped up in our own little world, navigating the rough terrain of trauma parenting, and we simply miss seeing what others are experiencing in their own lives. Quite frankly, when we hide away a bit during this time, it’s not only easy for us to lose sight of others, it’s also easy for others to lose sight of us, too. This is not intentional on either part, just something that naturally happens in the process.

The reality is, sometimes we journey this road with a little less fan fare than if we were giving birth. It’s easy to forget how much changes when someone moves into one’s home and family. With a newborn, there are baby showers, gifts, meals provided, there is endless support, celebrating and everyone rejoices in the new little life.

With fostering, there simply isn’t this same response. It’s not that people are not willing to help and support (because they are!), it’s that they often don’t know how to help or that there is even a need in the first place. To be honest, I’m not the best at asking for help, either. I don’t always know what I need, so I don’t express it.

Hmmmm … perhaps I should create a new blog post listing various ways people can help support a family who has just welcomed someone into their home? I wonder if that would be helpful to anyone (including myself)?

Truly know, I am not frustrated by the natural way things change, not in the least. I think it’s simply eye-opening. I just get a better understanding of why my laundry is daily neglected, why I haven’t emailed people in 3 weeks, why I haven’t been blogging, or why I’m ready for bed at 7pm. Working through trauma, hurts, destructive behaviors, controlling personalities, fight-flight-freeze responses, changes, and big emotional tendencies can be quite consuming. Not in a good or bad way, necessarily, but just in a real it-is-what-it-is kind of a way.

We absolutely love what we do and cannot imagine living our lives any differently. We are in our element when we are walking where God leads us and He has definitely directed our steps on this crazy journey! When we feel off-track, we simply take a step back, look at the big picture, and reassess where we’ve been and where we’re going. Sometimes we just need to recognize and acknowledge our new normal. In doing so, we also see that not everyone will recognize and understand this new normal with us, and that’s perfectly OK! We will continue to trust that He is with us in all of these changes.

Friends, if you are one of the ones I have not connected with in a while, I hope and pray you will extend grace during this transitional season for me and my family. Maybe you can imagine I just gave birth to a baby and am adjusting to having a newborn. That may help give a little perspective into our lives. I realize giving birth is not exactly the same scenario a foster care, but it is quite similar at the core. I’m just hopeful it will help you better understand the changes we (and other foster families) may be experiencing in these first days, weeks and months after a new placement. To put it bluntly, things are a bit crazy at the moment! haha!

I do want to express my gratitude to those of you who have reached out to ask how we’re doing and how you can help. We are doing very well, despite our very, very full life. So, thank you. Thank you for your support and encouragement. It continues to propel us toward the goal HE has set before us as we invest our lives into all of our children.

To God be the Glory!

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I feel caught

This post may be a bit messy, raw, and all over the map as I work though my thoughts in this post. But, please hang in there with me. Sometimes I meander through the thick forest of my mind a bit before I get back into the open field where I can see a bit more clearly.

In a recent post, I shared a little bit of the process for Munchkin’s case. As we move toward a permanency plan, I still find myself struggling to know exactly what to do.

I feel caught.

Something I have learned about myself, is that I tend to lean toward travelling the easy road. Quite honestly, if there is any point of stress or tension, frustration or angst, hindrances or barriers, or if anyone is simply unhappy … I tend to question if what is being done is “right.” Right equals easy, with no resistance, correct? Hmmmmm … yeah, I do realize that is not reality, but it’s what I often think. In fact, some of the very best and “right” things are the most challenging, stressful and difficult to do. Yet, I like making everyone happy (which I understand is not possible), so where does that leave me?

Caught.

This road is not easy. There is stress, tension, frustration, angst, and pain. I feel caught in the thickets and thorns of the forest.

As I contemplate over and over and over again all that is happening in Munchkin’s case, I find that the most common thread through all of my questioning and confusion is … FEAR. It is paralyzing. I have very real fears about whether we are doing the “right” thing by putting ourselves as an option for adoption. Are we going against the goal of foster care (reunification with family) by not just stepping aside and letting extended family adopt her? I have fears of the extended family hating us if the judge sides with us. I also fear if we will be “good enough” for Munchkin. Fear. Doubt. These are nasty little enemies.

I continue to wrestle and fight them. Caught between my fears and my faith. 

It’s crazy how easily fear can sneak in and take residence. Once I recognize it for what it is, I have to beat it down and kick it to the curb. I must remember WHO GOD IS in all of this. He will strengthen and uphold me with His righteous right hand. He will guide my steps. He will go before me. He will continue to be Sovereign. He will comfort those who mourn. He will continue to be GOOD.

Sometime soon, we will have a contested hearing (more like a trial) where Papa and I (and likely others) will be put on the “witness stand” to testify. We won’t be at the courthouse to discount the family or do any mudslinging, we will simply express our hearts, our lives, our hopes, our dreams, and our experiences with Munchkin. The judge will want to hear what we do to love and care for her, so we will do just that. We will share exactly who we are, just as the extended family will share exactly who they are.

Yes, this is where the rubber meets the road. You see, God has created me to sacrifice myself often. Even as a little girl, I had compassion ooze from my being. It’s easy for me to set aside my own desires and wishes more often than I confess and share them. I feel what people feel, so if I know that something I am doing can cause them heartache … that in and of itself makes my own heart ache. I want to stop their pain and struggle. I’d rather feel the pain instead of them. I don’t know how to find the middle ground and make everyone happy. Reality is, this will not happen in this case. Not everyone will be “happy.” Some will grieve, while others will rejoice. No matter what is decided by the judge, the trajectory of Munchkin’s life will eventually be set. Lives will be changed forever. Tears will be shed. Smiles will be seen. Hugs will be exchanged.

Oh man, this is a going to be hard, probably harder than I may realize or expect.

Yes, my heart remains raw in this process. It is vulnerable and open to possible pain and suffering. I am coming out of the forest. I can see it clearly. This road was not meant to be easy, but, it was meant to be traveled.

Lord, help me to …

… remain open-handed.

… trust.

… fight the fears.

… shush the lies.

… love deeply.

This is a journey that is and will continue to be covered in prayer.

To God be the Glory!

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External vs. Internal Peace

Over the past few days, I’ve been contemplating the concept of peace. More specifically, having internal peace when making difficult external decisions.

I am not one who naturally enjoys or am OK with conflict, angst, arguments or disagreements. I don’t like when it happens. I like things smooth, easy, and everyone gets along and agrees with one another. Yes, I realize this is a bit unrealistic, but I also realize it’s often my hope and desire.

I’m not sure I would label myself as a peacemaker so much as a peacekeeper. There’s a subtle, yet distinct difference between the two. I do my best to please those around me to keep the peace. Don’t ruffle the feathers. Don’t stir the pot. Don’t argue or disagree … keep the peace.

This tendency often bleeds into how I make my decisions in life.

When I have a more difficult decision to make, I naturally feel “peace” when the peace is kept. No divisions. No disagreements. No conflict. No stress. No worry. I definitely prefer things to be … resistant-free.

External peace equals internal peace, right? Hmmmm …

But, is this the kind of peace that comes from the Lord? Or, is it just the easy and passive way out? I like easy. But, I like the Lord’s peace even more!

Most recently, there have been a few difficult decisions and events that have brought about not-so-peaceful feelings and circumstances. Many of them having to do with Munchkin’s case. I’ve been wrestling with what is “right” and not knowing or feeling an overwhelming sense of “peace” in what is happening.

In trying to figure out why my internal peace can be a bit illusive at times, I realized something: I truly do often equate external peace with internal peace. If there is some contention, some disagreements, some strong emotions, or some conflict … I struggle to feel at peace. Without external peace, my inner peace can wane a bit.

I brought this to the Lord because I truly do not want my external circumstances to dictate what I’m feeling internally. It’s hard for me to separate the two, quite honestly.

In desiring to have God’s peace that transcends all understanding settle into the depths of my being, I am having to intentionally submit and give our circumstances to the Lord. It’s OK if not everyone agrees. It’s OK if there is conflict. It’s OK if emotions run high. I will do my very best to live at peace with others as far as it depends on me, but I realize I cannot control how others react, speak, feel, think or do. I can only control myself.

So, as I seek to distinguish and separate external peace and internal peace, I am truly sensing the Lord’s peace settle within me. I can trust Him in the circumstances and in my decisions because I know I am trying to please the Lord, not man.

As I typed that last sentence, I was literally nodding my head with a revelation! That’s when things seem to get muddied the most: when I seek to please man over pleasing the Lord. So interesting! When I know I am seeking to please man externally, my internal peace ebbs and flows, waxes and wanes, comes and goes. Yet, when I seek to please the Lord (both internally and externally), peace abounds, regardless of my circumstances.

Praise Him!!

Until I just typed that all out, I didn’t realize the core root of my struggle boiled down to approval. Am I seeking man’s or God’s? I am immediately reminded of Galations 1:10 … whose approval am I seeking? Who am I trying to please? As Apostle Paul bluntly states, “if I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

I am thoroughly convicted, yet incredibly encouraged.

Oh Lord, thank You for Your Word that exposes, convicts, encourages, rebukes, and teaches. Thank You for showing the root of my struggle with feeling and knowing Your peace within me. Please help me to always seek Your approval with every interaction, word, thought, and decision I make. Help me also to distinguish between temporary, external peace from man, and Your unwavering peace that settles into the core of my very being. Unchanging. Constant. Life-giving. Here I am, Your servant, ready to do Your will. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

To God be the Glory!

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Living and Active

I often enjoy listening to various podcasts in the mornings while I get ready for the day. One of my very favorites is done by Heidi St. John, The Busy Mom. As I was listening to her latest series, “Becoming MomStrong,” she said something that jumped right through my iPhone speakers and grabbed me. It’s a phrase I have heard hundreds, if not thousands, of times throughout my life. But this time, I couldn’t shake the words from my thoughts.

Those words were:

Living and Active

Heidi shared about becoming Mom Strong and instilling God’s living and active Word into our own hearts and into the hearts of our children. His Word is powerful.

The context of those words are found in Hebrews 4:12 (italics, mine),

For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

I kept turning those words over and over in my mind. Even in the hustle and bustle of the day, my thoughts would return to this verse and those two words.

This morning, I couldn’t just think about them any longer. I needed to study them. I needed to chew on them. I needed to meditate on them. I needed to process them through writing.

For those that may not know, I am a word person. I love knowing the meanings behind words to get a more full picture of what is meant when they’re used. I desire to keep things in context, especially in God’s Word. I want to delve deeper to understand the original intent and purpose of the words and phrases used. The Bible is so much richer when we are able to do this.

To satiate my hunger and thirst for more, I pulled out my Bible, my journal (to process my thoughts) and two of my all-time favorite books:

  1. Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary (American Dictionary of the English Language)
  2. Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible

If you love words and studying God’s Word, get these books!! They are incredible and invaluable.

I started my studies by simply looking up the definitions and origins of these words.

I know both of them are adjectives as they describe God’s Word. What kind of Word is it? It is living and it is active.

“Living”

Dwelling; residing; existing; subsisting; having life or the vital functions in operation; not dead. – Webster’s definition #1

Issuing continually from the earth; running; flowing; as a living spring or fountain; opposed to stagnant. – Webster’s definition #2

Producing action, animation and vigor; quickening; as a living principle; a living faith. – Webster’s definition #3

A primary verb; to live (literally or figuratively): life, lifetime, live, alive, lively, quick. – Strong’s Concordance: #G2198

“Active”

That has the power or quality of acting; that contains the principle of action, independent of any visible external force; as attraction is an active power or it may be defined, that communicates action or motion. Opposed to passive, that receives action; as, the active powers of the mind. – Webster’s definition #1

Having the power of quick motion or disposition to move with speed; nimble; lively; brisk; agile as an active animal, hence … – Webster’s definition #2

Busy; constantly engaged in action; pursuing business with vigor and assiduity; opposed to dull, slow or indolent; as an active officer. It is also opposed to sedentary, as an active life. – Webster’s definition #3

I couldn’t find a Strong’s number for “active” so I looked up “powerful” (which is how the word is translated by the King James Version)

Active, operative: effectual, powerful. – Strong’s Concordance: #G1756

In general, able to produce great effects; exerting great force or energy; as powerful eloquence. The word of God is quick and powerful, Hebrews 4:12. – Webster’s Definition #5

Y’all. Do you see how amazing God’s Word is?

It has life
It is like a living spring or fountain
It produces action
It produces animation
It produces vigor (strength)
It is quickening (springs to life, becomes animated)
It lives
It moves to action
It communicates action or motion
It has the power of quick motion
It has the disposition to move with speed
It is busy
It is constantly engaged in action
It is effectual (successful to produce an intended result)
It is powerful
It is able to produce great effects (cause change or something to happen)

Sometimes, you can also look at a word and help define it by what it is NOT. Scrolling through the definitions above, I found the word “opposed” to help show how it contrasts with what it actually is. God’s Word …

Is not dead
Is opposed to stagnant
Is opposed to passive
Is opposed to slow
Is opposed to dull
Is opposed to indolent (laziness)
Is opposed to sedentary

Are catching this? As I was reading through these various definitions, I was simply blown away. God’s Word is AMAZING! It is incredibly powerful, it is effective, it is active, it is living!!

God’s Word is not dead … it is ALIVE!

Hebrews 4:12 goes on to say it so sharp that it pierces and/or penetrates even dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow. That’s pretty sharp. It’s easy for us to often see things as gray, blurred, blended or muddied … but God’s Word does not. It’s pretty clear, it’s pretty quick, and it’s pretty powerful. It divides and separates even those things we have a hard time seeing a distinction or difference. It judges (exposes and discerns) our inner most thoughts, intentions and desires.

It is not dull, but sharp!
It is not stagnant, but living!
It is not withdrawn, but penetrates and pierces!
It is not ignorant or unaware, but discerning!
It is not weak, but powerful!

Friends, as you navigate your day today, I encourage you to actively and diligently wield the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. It is a powerful weapon. Read it. Memorize it. Know it. Use it. It can do what we cannot do in and of ourselves.

If/When you’re trudging through murky or clouded waters, dive into the clear waters of His Word. There, you will find what you need (even if it’s not something you want).

I actually started out wanting to list everything you can find in God’s Word (hope, peace, answers, forgiveness, truth, direction, grace, teachings, JESUS, etc.), but felt like the list could go on forever … so I simply summarized it by saying you can find what you need. 🙂

God knows. I have the uttermost confidence and faith that He will speak to you through His Word and help you navigate through life as you gain wisdom and understanding from Him …

To God be the Glory!

 

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“God won’t give me more than I can handle”

The blog you will read below is something I wrote 7 1/2 years ago in September of 2009. I recently came across it and thought I’d share it with you. I did not change any of the original wording, although I confess, I was incredibly tempted to do so. I really wanted to make some phrasing adjustments, remove a few things, and add a bit more details here and there. Yet, I wanted to keep it as I first wrote it, so it remains the same.

I do hope and pray it will be eye-opening as well as encouraging to someone, somewhere, at this point in time and season.

To God be the Glory!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 11, 2009

Recently, I was reading through 2 Corinthians. No particular reason why that book of the Bible. Although, I had just finished 1 Corinthians, so it seemed natural to continue and read through 2 Corinthians. As I began reading it, a few verses in that very first chapter JUMPED off of the page. I couldn’t help but reread them OVER and OVER again. These are the verses that I read.

2 Corinthians 1:8-11

“8For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; 9indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; 10who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us, 11you also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many.”

A little background info about me …

I grew up in a Christian home. To be honest, I cannot remember a time when I didn’t know and walk with the Lord. For that, I am truly, incredibly, forever grateful!! I grew up generally knowing the “right” things to say and do. I even learned all of those churchy things to say. As some often call it, I knew the “Christianese” language. You probably know what I’m talking about. Words like Sanctification, Blessing, Redeemed, Communion and Holiness were part of normal conversation. Well, with knowing all of that, there are many words or phrases that I say/said because they’re just what I’ve always heard someone else say. Not knowing if they’re right or wrong, I just say them, because  … because that’s what’s done.

Have you ever wondered where certain phrases come from?

“You’re a chip off the old block.”

“Let’s get the show on the road.”

“In a nutshell.”

“A basket case.”

These are just some miscellaneous clichés people say, and often there is a history and meaning behind them. We don’t usually think about them in-depth, but we say them. Well, the same goes for church phrases. We say them, but don’t always think in-depth about their meaning or WHY we say them. Sadly, it is often that we don’t check to make sure they are matched up with what Scripture teaches.

Since I grew up in the church, it was easy for me to say all of these random churchy phrases. I still say a lot of them. But, I’m finding more and more that I want to make sure that what I say, truly matches up with what God’s Word says. Recently, I have been mulling over a phrase that I have heard and even said many times myself. That phrase is the title of this post, “God won’t give me more than I can handle.” Have you heard anyone say that before?!  Or, have you said it yourself? I know I have. Many times. I’ve said variations of it, too …

“God won’t give me more than I can handle.”

“God won’t allow me to experience more than I can endure.”

“I know I can make it through because God won’t give more than I can deal with right now.”

Well, as I’ve been mulling over different phrases and especially churchy phrases, I keep coming back to this one for some reason. I’ve had to ask myself, do I believe it? Is it true? Ultimately, is this what God’s Word says and teaches? Does God keep me from experiencing anything that is too much to endure? Does He make sure not to give me more than what I can cope with? More than I can bear?

I know there’s a passage that many people have used to support this phrase, “God will not give me more than I can handle.” That passage is found in 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Backing up a bit in the chapter, the beginning of 1 Corinthians 10 talks about the Israelites and their history. How they are examples to us … actually more of a warning to us of what NOT to do. Do not be idolaters, as some of them were. Do not be sexually immoral, as some of them were. Do not set your heart on evil things, as some of them did. Be aware of these things, so that you do not fall. That you, who think you are standing firm, do not fall to these common temptations. You are a common man, too.

It states in verses 10-13 (italics mine):

“These things happened to them [Israelites] as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. 12So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

The chapter continues on with an appeal to flee idolatry and some other stuff, too.

Verse 13, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.”  (Italics mine.)

When I first read this passage, it was easy to conclude that I wouldn’t be pushed beyond what I can endure or bear. It made sense, especially in light of the phrase I have always heard and said myself (the title of the post). However, upon reading it more and more, it seemed as though I was forgetting the context of the chapter: sin and temptation. I began asking, “Is this talking about life in general, or just about temptations?” Isn’t it talking about how we can learn from Israel’s history so we do not fall to the same temptations as they once did. I’m just not quite certain that it’s talking about ALL of life … hmmmm.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that God is faithful. When I am tempted to do anything that goes against HIS Word, I have the promise that HE will provide a way out. I can stand up under it and not be overcome. I do not have to succumb to those temptations just as the passage says.

I completely agree that God helps me in my weakness and provides a way out of my temptations. I completely agree. But, does that mean that I won’t ever be pushed beyond what I can handle … in general?

I know there are circumstances out there that are HARD. VERY hard. For instance, moving out of state away from every person that I know and love! That’s hard. I know from recent experience. It can be (and often is) a lonely road.

Raising 4 children born in a 4.5 year span and having a miscarriage in the midst of those years, that’s hard! Not much “me time” left at the end of the day. Only more loads of laundry and piles of dishes to be done.  🙂

Homeschooling … whew. That is no easy task. It is hard work!! It adds a whole new dimension to life to be Mommy AND Teacher. These have been and still ARE hard circumstances for me.

I, personally, have not dealt with some of the bigger life altering circumstances (divorce, a close death, physical persecution, major medical illnesses, etc.), but others have. Those are HARD situations. Although they are hard, they are not what I would call, “temptations” issues. They are circumstances that are more than difficult, but I’m not sure they are “temptations.” I may be tempted in different ways on how-to-handle those situations, but the event, in-and-of-itself, is not a temptation. As God Word promises, the temptations I deal with will not go beyond what I can bear. However, that doesn’t mean our circumstances won’t go beyond … does it?

“God won’t give me more than I can handle.” I know I have used this phrase in times of trial. And, I too, used 1 Corinthians 10:13 to help me feel all warm and cozy knowing that I wouldn’t be pushed beyond my limits. But, I honestly have a hard time doing that now. It just seems that I’m adding to the Scripture by making it an all-inclusive to life, instead of keeping it with the context of temptations.

In the midst of struggling to understand this concept more, I eventually stumbled upon the passage I mentioned at the beginning of the post.

2 Corinthians 1:8-11

“8For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; 9indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; 10who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us, 11you also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many.”

Rereading that first verse … apostle Paul and Timothy (and others?) were burdened excessively, beyond their strength, so that they despaired even of life. Wow.

New International Version (NIV) states it this way, “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.” That’s intense. They were at a place that was BEYOND their ability to endure? Beyond what they could “bear?” They had the “sentence of death” within them? Suicidal thoughts? Ready to die? Knowing they would die? Death staring them in the face? It’s not just that they could bear no more … they were passed that point. It was too much. It was “beyond [their] ability to endure.”

What was their reaction to such peril thoughts/emotions/experiences? Verse 9 says, they “had the sentence of death within [them] SO THAT they would not trust in [themselves], but in God who raises the dead; who delivered [them] from so great a peril of death, and will deliver [them], He on whom [they] have set [their] hope.”

Isn’t that beautiful?! Not “beautiful” that they were on the brink of death and were despaired even of life and beyond their ability to endure … but that they did not trust in themselves, but in GOD! They put their trust in HIM. They set their hope in HIM. Their faith rested in HIM.

They were truly beyond their ability to cope, their ability to endure, their ability to survive … in-and-of-themselves they could not do it. In their own strength, they could not do it. With each other, they could not do it. The ONLY way they could “endure” or “bear” what was happening, was through their trust, faith and hope in God. It wasn’t that God didn’t allow things to happen beyond their strength to endure, because He did allow it … but as they trusted our God who raises the dead, they were saved. They were delivered!

Verse 10 and a little of verse 11 in the NIV, “HE has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers …”

Our hope is in HIM. We can withstand “beyond what we can bear,” because of HIM.

(Side note to Verse 11: Not only is it our hope in Him that delivers us … but also others praying for us. Prayer is so powerful.)

It’s more understandable (not excusable) now why people are at the “end of their rope” (another cliche’-ick phrase). It’s more understandable why people turn to drugs and alcohol to cope day-to-day. It’s more understandable why people resort to beating their loved ones (or strangers) or why people ultimately take their own life. They are beyond what they can bear. In their minds, there is no “solution” to the problem. No hope. In their thinking, there is no answer. No way to be saved or rescued. There is no way out. What a sad and dark and lonely place.

Without a hope, without a faith, without a trust in the Almighty Sovereign God, there is hopelessness. No hope to be delivered. No hope to endure. No hope at all. Trusting in my own strength will not deliver me. I MUST trust in HIM.

I have the promise that I will not be TEMPTED beyond what I can bear … yahoooooo!! I love that promise.

And, I have the hope that when life circumstances ARE “beyond what I can bear” … I can rest in the hope I have in HIM, my Savior. I can trust HIM, not myself, to save and rescue me.  I love that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even after 7 1/2 years since first writing this piece, I still find myself coming to the same conclusion: I need Jesus, especially in my desperation. HE is my one and only salvation in all of the good, the bad, and the ugly. HE is my way out of temptation. HE is my complete strength in my utter weakness. HE is.

As I reread all of this, I am clearly reminded how much I desire to always seek and know Truth. I don’t want to hear clichés or sayings and take them as the Gospel Truth. I want to constantly examine all things and line them up with His Word. I want all I believe, all I say, and all I have put my hope in to line up with Truth. HE (and His Word) is unchanging … I am the one that is to change and be moldable. Soft and pliable. Lord, mold me and shape me according to your immutable Word.

To God be the Glory!

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A new do – cut off the excess

This past weekend, I went with a friend of mine to a new hairdresser in town. I’m not even sure how the subject came up months ago, but we talked about getting new hair styles together. It took some time, as we moms typically set aside our needs, but we finally made our back-to-back appointments.

She had her first professional coloring (highlighting) done along with a great new haircut, while I had a simple cut and style. It had been almost 2 years since my last visit to a salon. I was long overdue. The dry, straw like ends on my hair were a struggle to deal with on a daily basis. No amount of conditioner could tame the 2-inch long split-ends. More often than not, I’d put my hair up in a ponytail or messy bun just to keep it out of my way. I do have curly hair, but even when it was straightened or freshly washed, I had a difficult time running my fingers through it. The ends were beyond repair.

It was time.

When we were done, both of us had healthy hair and wonderful hairstyles. We didn’t do anything fancy, we just did some basic maintenance and ended up with some fresh new looks.

It felt good.

As we drove home, one of the things we commented on was the fact that we kept wanting to touch our hair. So soft. So smooth. We had neglected the care of our hair for so long, we forgot how good it feels to cut off the excess and be able to enjoy what is good and healthy.

Using this experience, I can see how it can correlate to many areas of my life.

It is very easy for me to have so much going in my life, that I get fried. Parts of me are damaged, worn out, and difficult to control. So, I simply ignore it, put it up and away, so I don’t have to deal with it. It’s easier to pretend all is well. I’ll take care of everyone else, and neglect taking care of myself … literally, for years.

This has been slowly changing over the past 10 months or so. I’ve cut my commitment level to so many things that sucked my energy dry. Now, I do realize that it is perfectly OK to push ourselves and do hard things; but what I later learned, I was neglecting what was already healthy and good in my life (like my husband, my kids, my dear friends) and focusing on the outer parts/ends of my life. Not that everything was “damaged” or “bad,” but it simply took all of my energy to control or work with it.

Eventually, split ends happen. And, if not taken care of quickly, it can keep moving up and damaging what is healthy.

Time to be intentional. Make that appointment.

So, 10 or so months ago, I started to be intentional. I cut out areas in my life that spread me too thin. They weren’t “bad” things, per say, just … excess. I wasn’t the wife I wanted to be, the mom I wanted to be, the teacher I wanted to be, the friend I wanted to be, or the Christian I wanted to be. I kept myself so busy managing and controlling the chaos in so many places, that I neglected to take care of and focus on what mattered most.

Just as when my junky hair was cut off and I started running my fingers through my hair more, when I cut out the excess, I started paying attention to and caring for the healthy areas in my life. Now, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get dirty or messy on a regular basis, but it is healthier overall. There is more connection and interaction, instead of setting aside and ignoring.

I can’t do it all. None of us can do it all. Sometimes, we simply need to cut off what is distracting us from focusing on the good, strong and healthy. Let it go. It may be painful at times, but it can also be quite freeing.

To God be the Glory!

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Peace out, coffee

If any of you have read the About: Momma page for this blog, you will know I like to drink my sweet, candy flavored coffee.

2 teaspoons of sugar
3 little containers of vanilla creamer
1 squirt of Hershey syrup
vanilla flavored coffee

Y’all. That is a lot of … uh … sweet. And, I love it.

Unfortunately, my body hasn’t loved or responded so well to it. In the past 6 months, I have gained about 15 pounds (!) and the only thing I have really changed in my diet was drinking more coffee. I’d have a cup or 2 in the morning (yes, with all of that sugar!), then I often have another in the afternoon.

I only started drinking coffee within the past couple of years (in 2015, I believe), but really started downing it in the last 6 (or so) months.

I’m paying for it now.

My body can’t take the influx of sugar as well at my age. Though I realize 38 isn’t old, I’ve heard enough women say that once they hit their 40’s their metabolism levels changed dramatically. Maybe I’ve hit that stage early, who knows? Regardless, I realize something has to change.

This year really is about simplifying my life, isn’t it? I’ve removed Facebook and Instagram for the year, I have decided I won’t purchase any new books (and read what I already own, what a concept!), and now I’m cutting out my daily consumption of coffee. It probably sounds painful and like I’m missing out in changing my daily habits, but I’m truly finding freedom in … less.

I am hopeful this will be the same way with coffee. I’m not going to ban myself from it completely, at this point, but I will stop drinking it daily. I anticipate that I’ll enjoy a cup of coffee on Saturday mornings with Papa as well as when I go out for a coffee date with friends.

Small beginnings.

This will be my first morning without any coffee. I expect the headaches to begin right around 10:00 or 11:00am.

Bring on the Ibuprofen!