Permanency: Munchkin

This post is shared with a bit of hesitation and heartache, as well as a little anxiety thrown into the mix.

Our little Munchkin is moving toward permanency. This means Munchkin will most likely be adopted in the near-ish future. As her case unfolds, we will find out who the state decides will be adopting her.

Will they approve us, or will they approve her extended family?

We are more than willing and ready, and her family is as well. The courts typically side with family/kin as long as it’s safe and possible. Family is so important, so vital. This means it’s likely not looking favorable in our direction.

My heart hurts.

I don’t want to say goodbye … if it leads to that. I want to hold and love her forever. I want to see her grow up into a beautiful young woman who seeks the Lord and impacts those around her. I want to nurture her and help her develop skills and passions that bring glory to the Lord. I want to teach, train and raise her as our daughter.

I want to hear her call me, “Momma.”

I have waves of feeling (inner) peace about everything, regardless of outcome and circumstances, only to be followed closely by waves of turmoil and questions. Ugh. This is so hard!!!

Yet, in the emotional struggle, we choose to stand firm. We will stand firm in full trust in the Lord. Even when it does not look favorable, we will trust. Even when time is running short, we will trust. Even in the unknown, we will trust.

The Lord has always been faithful. We will continue to rest in who He is and trust Him in this, no matter the outcome.

The biggest question I have is … how much do we fight for her? We want her as our daughter so deeply, but how do we know how to go about this? We have never been in this situation before, so this is new territory.

  • Part of me wants to wait, watch, and see what the Lord will do (praying for a miracle!) …
  • Part of me wants to hold on tight and never let go …
  • Part of me wants to be open-handed and trust God with the outcome (whatever that may be) …
  • Part of me wants to get in the ring, so-to-speak, and fight for her. How “fighting” for her would look, I have no idea. It’s not naturally in me/us to do, so getting pushy or bold before a judge, feels … weird and unnatural.

Lord, show us how to respond and move forward in all of this.

I anticipate these next months will be emotional ones. The future is unknown … but we will continue to remind ourselves of the Truth and of who God is, even when our emotions are all over the map.

He. Is. Sovereign.

Lord, may You prepare the way for Munchkin’s life … wherever that may be …

To God be the Glory!