Month: March 2017

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When the wind is knocked right out of you

At our homeschool co-op this week, King (in 6th grade) was playing on the playground between classes with many of the other students. He loves climbing all around the structure. I didn’t see it happen, but at one point, his foot slipped and he fell down right on a metal bar, hitting him just below his ribcage.

He couldn’t breathe.

The wind was completely knocked right out of him.

He panicked.

Two of the dads came and got me and stayed with us as I checked to see how he was doing. He was very shaken up and quite teary-eyed as he sat on the grass. We transferred him over to a shady location to cool down a bit and for him to just rest and catch his breath. I could see he was struggling.

After assessing how he was doing, I went to let his home economics teachers know he would need to miss his class this week.

Just a few minutes later, King changed his mind and decided he wanted to give class a try. After all, they were learning how to cook eggs in various ways this week (eggs benedict, poached eggs, sunny-side-up eggs, etc.). King loves this class. It’s his favorite (which I find is funny, because I teach one of his other classes, hahaha!).

Just about 5 minutes into class, the teacher’s assistant came to let me know King was “not doing well at all.” He was clammy, crying, and crumpled up on the cement floor outside. Even though I was a ways away, I could see she was right, he was not OK. I didn’t know what all was wrong, but he looked quite pale and miserable with his red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. I later learned that he stood up in class only to collapse onto the ground and begin sobbing. He couldn’t catch a deep enough breath without it hurting his rib area, which brought more trauma.

The teacher and the teacher’s assistant both stopped and prayed for him in that moment.

One of our homeschooling co-op mom’s is a local family doctor, so I had her check him to see if we need further assistance. What a blessing to have a doctor on campus!! She didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, he likely just bruised his stomach/ribs. I asked about his not feeling well and being clammy and pale, and she said that’s very normal after a trauma incident. The adrenaline kicks in and can cause the body to go into a bit of a shock mode.

Slowly, but surely, King was able to settle down once he was laying flat with a cool breeze blowing on him. Standing or sitting up still made him feel pretty junky.

Throughout the remaining hour at co-op, we had quite a few kids and mommas ask how he was doing. Everyone was so supportive, sensitive and comforting in our time of need. King rested while laying on a couch for the remainder of co-op.

Even upon our return home, we had 5 different moms call or text me throughout the day to see how he was doing. Y’all, it truly is a beautiful thing to have friends to come alongside when we needed the extra love and support. To have such dear friends check in to make sure he was OK … it brings tears to my eyes as I type this. I am so grateful.

I know I already touched on this yesterday, but having wonderful, supportive, caring, and compassionate friends in our lives truly is one of the most wonderful treasures.

As I finish typing up this post, King is in his bed, sleeping and resting for the night. He is a bit bruised and slow going as he moves about, but he seems to be doing just fine at this point. <sigh of relief>

To God be the Glory, protection from serious harm and great friends He has given us!

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Friends are treasures

Recently, I had the complete joy of spending time with my friend over a couple of cups of iced coffee. It was going to be just a simple little coffee date. Get away from the house duties, have a bit of space from the kiddos, enjoy a tasty beverage, and connect in a simple way. Nothing flashy or fancy or full of crazy expectations. Just a brief afternoon to connect, face-to-face, in real time.

We headed on down to a local coffee shop that has an antique cash register, comfy couches throughout the various seating areas, a cute chalkboard menu, and fun décor surrounding. It was quiet. It was humble. It was perfect.

I thought we would be gone for maaaaybe 2 hours total, while she let her kids know she’d be gone for about an hour.

We were both wrong.

After what I thought was about an hour, I happened to look at my watch to gage our timing and realized … we had already been gone for 3 hours. Three!! That might not seem long to many of you, but when you do not anticipate that length of time when looking at your watch, it’s quite surprising to see it.

We were sweating in the heat, chatting away, listening, sharing, asking questions, sipping our coffees, telling stories, laughing, grieving, celebrating, learning more about each other … and before we knew it, our entire afternoon had flown right on by. I loved every minute of it. Our time together was so sweet and so easy that we didn’t even realize how quickly it had gone.

I tell you all of this because, well, friends are treasures.

After dropping my friend off at her house, I drove home with a lightness in me. Joy. Connection. Laughter. Sharing. Trust. Friendship. Sharpening. Encouraging. Learning. Growing. What a true gift to have friends to “do life with” and to enjoy a beautiful 3-hour long coffee date. It was a lovely afternoon that carried me right into a lovely evening (though I spent it at the hockey rink surrounded by smelly hockey gear, haha!). Friendships help us be immune to the junk around us. We can face our days and nights with a new and refreshing outlook when we’ve connected with a friend in a meaningful way.

If you haven’t done so recently, I encourage you to step out and connect with a friend. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular, just a time to get together. I am so grateful my friend had asked me. I was more than thrilled and ready to say, “Yes, let’s go!” Sometimes, we just have to be bold and willing to take that step (either in asking or in accepting the invite).

Yes indeed, friends are treasures. They are not treasures to hide away, but to go out with and enjoy life! They are meant to be discovered as friends are incredibly valuable in our lives.

This begs the question, “What treasured friendships are awaiting for you to discover?”

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Just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong

It’s been an interesting journey in these 5 1/2 years of fostering children. We’ve had some very beautiful and easy seasons as well as some really ugly and hard seasons.

Highs and lows.
Mountains and valleys.
Joys and sorrows.

In thinking about these seasons (especially the rough ones), I felt I wanted to communicate something …

Just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong.

As people, we naturally like to find reasons, ask “why” questions, and categorize things to help our understanding. More specifically, if something goes bad or is very diffucult, we often want to find someone or something to blame for it. If we are hurting or struggling, we want to find the source. In finding that source, it’s common to want to get rid of it, remove it, or change it so we don’t suffer from or battle with it anymore. We typically don’t like pain, suffering, or struggle.

Let me say it again, just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong.

Friends, foster care is hard, but it most certainly is not bad or wrong, especially when our hearts beat so strongly for it.

We’ve had a few people in our lives consistently want to blame all of our struggles and pain on our involvement in foster care:

That was a hard season because of foster care.

You really struggled because of that child in your home.

You hurt a lot because of that situation (case).

You really pulled away and isolated when you fostered.

I know that was painful when he/she was with you.

You changed when you fostered him/her.

I will not deny it, there is much pain and hardship when diving headfirst into the foster care system. It is not easy and it has indeed changed us in many ways. But, that doesn’t mean what we are doing is bad or wrong. It’s OK to acknowledge right along with us the difficulties that come with the journey. Let’s keep it real, folks.

Unfortunately, I get the feeling others think we are doing something we shouldn’t be doing. It’s almost as if they question our very lives,

Are you SURE you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing?

Are you SURE you’re supposed to do foster care?

Are you SURE you should continue this?

Let me tell you emphatically, YES! We know we are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing, even when we experience pain, grief, suffering, and trials. This is what we do.

Will it change us? Absolutely.
Will we learn more about ourselves and about others? Definitely.
Will we make mistakes along the way? Guaranteed.

But, even when all of this happens and when others do not understand and/or fully support our decisions, we stay the course. Sometimes we step off of the path to rest/heal for a bit, but we get back on the road when we’re ready and when the Lord leads. Yes, we know we are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing in this season of our lives.

I am pleased to share, roughly 96% (that’s a random figure, just throwing out a high percent to make a point) of the people in our lives support us in our fostering journey. We are so loved and encouraged by those near and dear to us. Those who give our foster children gifts just as they do our children, who love all of our children the same, who pray for us, who ask how they can help us, who stand with us in the good, bad and the ugly … I know we are not alone. I know it’s a bit cliché’ to say, but it’s true, I cannot express adequately how amazing it is to have that kind of back-up in our friends and family. I am so deeply grateful.

Yet, there remains that 4% that tugs at my heart. The ones who don’t understand or fully support our decisions. I want to help them see more clearly. As I pondered these thoughts, I got to think about why some people question our involvement in foster care. This may or may not be accurate, but I wonder … I wonder if the questioning stems from a more personal (selfish?) perspective? Meaning, Papa and I have only so many hours in our day, and only so much energy to give, so when all of our time and attention is not on them, they may feel left out or hurt? Perhaps it stems from their own pain, loss and grieving in not being as close with us?

Hmmmm. That’s really interesting to think about, actually. Even as I type this, it is helping me see more from their perspective. I should extend a little more grace as they may be experiencing their own pain in losing a little bit of us in this journey. It’s easy for me to forget that we aren’t the only ones to experience hardships and pain in our foster care journey. It does affect those around us, too. Very eye-opening. I needed to remember this!

Continuing on … a dear friend of mine (who is also active in the foster care system) recently texted me a great quote by Jedd Medefind (President of Christian Alliance for Orphans). Once I read these lines, I knew I wanted to add it to this post and share it with you, too.

Pain and trauma do not invalidate your calling – [but] they may validate it.

Pain and trauma … yes, these are often a very real and very hard part of our journey. Yet, we are sure of our calling and decision to participate in foster care, even in the midst of the pain and trauma.

Can I offer a few suggestions to you?

When you see things are hard, and they will and do get hard, can I suggest that you not question whether we are doing what is “right” or “wrong.” When you’re tempted to ask or recommend we give up or stop, instead, come alongside, offer support, and ask how you can help. Yes, we often struggle, but fostering children is our heart. We will serve and love and give our very best, even if/when we experience intense heartache and utter pain along the way.

In fact, these suggestions may be applicable to anyone in the midst of hardships. Whether someone is pastoring, leading, owning/running a business, teaching, moving, parenting, helping, managing, sharing, or any other situation that can bring pain, loss, and suffering … if it’s someone’s very heart and life, spur them on. Encourage.

Give hope instead of giving a way out.

Yes, just because what we do is hard, doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong.

Please know, I’m not saying all hardship and pain is worthwhile or validating, as there are many times it is not (depending on the situation). But, when you know the TRUTH and have a deep conviction about what you are doing, stand firm in it. Even when others question you, believe in the depths of your very being that what you are doing … is worth doing. It is good … and dare I even say, right.

To God be the Glory!!

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Fun Fact Friday – March 3, 2017

It’s that time again! Time to get to know a little more about me here on Fun Fact Friday!

  1. I enjoy wearing an apron when I am cooking or baking. It reminds me of my grandma when she was in the kitchen making yummy food to eat.
  2. My first job was an all day (roughly 5am-4pm) babysitting job when I was 13 years old. I earned $3/hour, which was a high wage in those days.
  3. One of the beauties of homeschooling as a kid was that I had the freedom to work during the day. I did my schooling before or after work (or during work, when I was babysitting and kids were napping). I earned a lot of money in my junior high and high school years.
  4. I worked at Subway when I was 15 years old and loved it. I was a true “sandwich artist.”
  5. After college, I was a nanny for a family with six children. It’s interesting to see how that experience was paving the way and preparing me for having six kids in my own home!
  6. Quantom Leap was a fun show to watch when I was younger. I always loved the point in the show when the main character looked in the mirror to see what person he was for that episode. It was hilarious when he had to pretend to be a female, haha.
  7. Growing up, I washed the dishes almost every night (when I was actually home), while my sister dried and put them away in the cupboards.
  8. Apparently, I’m feeling a bit nostalgic as I think back on various aspects of my childhood. I had a great childhood!!
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Social Media Free update: 2 months in

After 2 months of being Facebook and Instagram FREE, here are the things I find I do and do not miss.

What I DO miss:

  • Seeing all of the updates, silly or serious, from my friends and family to know how or what they’re doing.
  • Getting ideas from seeing what other people are learning or doing in their homes, schooling, parenting, reading, church, and work.
  • Asking questions to get others’ opinions, insights, suggestions. I love asking questions, so this has been something I have greatly missed.
  • I do miss being inspired and encouraged by others’ updates, as well as purposing to inspire and encourage others.

What I DO NOT miss:

  • Political tension
  • Surveys
  • Wasting time when I could be productive
  • The addiction that comes with social media
  • Caring about what others think
  • Feeling frustrated when others are critical
  • Finding myself being more judgmental than I care to admit (there truly is freedom from not knowing everything about everyone all of the time … ignorance truly is bliss)
  • How I stared at my Facebook page more than my own children’s Faces (real life “faces”, imagine that)
  • Feeling like I’m never doing enough as I compare my life to what I see in others’ FB lives
  • Having an opinion about everything I saw on Facebook
  • Getting quickly sucked in to scroll and scroll and scroll
  • Having a sore neck from looking down at my phone so much
  • Joining and leaving various groups … so much to keep track of in the News Feed
  • Following link after link after link which was another reason for getting sucked into Facebook and Instagram
  • Blocking people because I got so annoyed and frustrated with their whining, complaining, negativity, or arrogance
  • Having yet another thing to check when I got a new notification
  • Feeling compelled to respond to people, because it is the right and polite thing to do
  • Trying to keep up on all of the “latest”
  • Feeling guilty I didn’t wish people happy birthday when I saw it was their birthday
  • Finding so many things I wanted (but didn’t need) to buy on the local “garage sale” pages
  • Getting invited to so many local events and feeling lame for not going to them

As you can see, the lists are quite lopsided.

Overall, I currently find myself more content, less stressed, and just all around better. I am much more relaxed, in general. I am connecting more intentionally with people instead of relying on Facebook to give me the feeling (illusion?) of being connected.

I had absolutely no idea how much social media controlled my every day, until I cut the chains. My eyes were opened wide: freedom.

Even though I do miss a few aspects of it, I do not regret stepping away from social media … not for a single second.

To God be the Glory!